Inferno
David and I were really never meant to be. We broke up, but remained friends.
Scott swooped in and asked me out for a third time. I said yes.
Why did I always say yes?
Our relationship was going smoothly, until he made the noble decision to better himself. Instead of enroll at a local school, having dropped out some years before, he headed to South Dakota, where a family friend would take him in and get him into the school she worked at.
Before he left, Scott had a fight with our friend Jen, who worried about both of us. We were drinking and smoking weed multiple times a day. Our entire group looked like hell. She somehow offended him and he asked me to not talk to her anymore. For him. I loved him. I could do that, right?
Oh, and if I could stop talking to all the guys in the group, that would be great. Except Steven. Steven could be trusted.
I couldn’t blame him, I guess. I wanted to make him feel secure. So I dropped most of my friends.
He also felt that I shouldn’t drink or get high anymore. Without him there to protect me. Chivalrous of him. I obeyed.
And one more thing. He had a spy watching me. If I broke any of the rules, he would know.
After Scott left, I wrote a note to Steven. Just a general friendly note. I drew a pentagram on the paper, as was our custom. That night I received a call from Scott. He was screaming. He called me a whore. A bitch. A cheating bitch. I felt blindsided. I had no idea what he was talking about. He screamed at me for 30 minutes. He had me reduced to gasping tears. Finally, he explained his suspicions. His spy saw me draw a heart on a note at school that day.
The only note I had written was one to Steven and it had been the pentagram. I explained that. Scott’s demeanor quickly changed. He believed my story and he was back to normal. But he didn’t apologize.
And I was terrified. The spy was real. And it watched me.
The calls became more frequent. The violent calls even more so.
Once I took a shower. When I got out, I had 24 missed calls. I knew I was in trouble. Again, the screaming. The name calling. I was terrified of him. But I was also under his spell. I can’t explain what that felt like.
Months went by. I was emotionally beaten every day. One day, on a cold day, I was in my car during lunch. I wasn’t allowed to see anyone during that time. Because Scott called at that time. And that time was his. So I sat in the car while he screamed at me. And then screamed again to make me clean up my face. I couldn’t go back to school looking like I had cried. Because then everyone would “think” I had a mean boyfriend. So he wouldn’t let me go until I stopped whimpering. So I hung up and dried my eyes as best I could. I opened the car door and got out. I leaned against the car to steady myself. I was still eating very little. Restricting food was my own way to punish me, still. I turned and took a shaking step forward. And I saw him. Adam was hanging out at the back of the school with some other people. I couldn’t breathe. I’m sure I looked like complete shit. I scurried past, hoping he wouldn’t see me. But wishing to God he would. And save me from this hell I was living in. But why should he?
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