Hypnotize ya minds, like all the rest but I come through the veins

Inferno

It was December of 2006 when Scott decided to move back North to live with his 'adoptive parents'. They assured him that they could get him a job as a janitor at the high school they both worked at. He promised me that he would only work there long enough to make some money and then transfer back. I was so afraid to let him go because it didn't work out the last time.

A few days after Christmas, he left with his adoptive father. I felt like someone had shot me through the heart. I did something I was forbidden to do. I went out and bought my own pack of cigarettes and a lighter. I drove to a park that we use to spend time in and got out. It was very cold out but I found a log to sit on and started smoking. Just then I heard a familiar voice. It was Melissa. My heart lept. After the surge of fear, I remembered that Scott was miles away. She hugged me after I told her that Scott was gone. She sat with me and smoked. She told me Ninja had gone home for Christmas but would be back tomorrow. We sat together for hours. It felt good to have a friend again. Then the sun went down and it was time to go home. For the rest of the Christmas break, I moped around the house. I talked to Scott everyday. But things were getting worse than they had ever been. He screamed at me any time he heard me talking to my mom while I was on the phone with him. To him, she became another threat. Someone else to come between us. He was fiercely protective of me. He wanted me to be his and no one Else's. I was his possession.

Each night at 9:00 p.m. he called me. Most night we fought. This started my fear of phones. A rush of pure panic surged through me every time my phone rang. He wore me down mentally. He had me believing that I was crazy. I cried myself to sleep every single night.

When school started back up, it was worse. I spoke to no one in class. I feared that he had spies watching me again. I walked with my eyes down in the hallways. I never once made eye contact to anyone. During lunch period, I sat in my freezing car and listened on the phone while he berated me. Any time someone walked by my car, he heard and accused me of having someone in the car with me. After lunch I came to class with swollen eyes from crying.

The only person I ever confided in was my English teacher. He tried to build up my strength. He told me what a wonderful person I was. In class, he would massage my shoulders. People thought we were having an affair. He noticed all the red jagged cuts along my right wrist. He stopped me after class and just hugged me.

Scott never did get a job. He started spending most nights at a friends house. He would call me drunk. Some days he was friendly. Most days he was evil.

One Saturday in January, Scott had called to tell me he was going to spend the night with his friend and I would probably not hear from him for the rest of the night. I got a Dr. Pepper and sat down on my bedroom floor to start a book I had been wanting to read. I was on page 15 when my phone rang. I jumped, knocking my can over, spilling Dr. Pepper all over the floor and my book. After I calmed down a little, I looked at my phone. It wasn't Scott. It was Melissa. I swallowed my fear and answered it. "I know your life is pretty shitty right now. You need to come hang out with us", she said. She told me she would be at the book store and for me to meet her there soon. I was frozen in fear. I desperately wanted to go because I had not spoken to anyone but Scott and my family in so long. But I was afraid. What if he found out? Since it was Melissa, I could actually see him killing me. But I went.

I shook the whole way there. I shook while I walked around the store looking for her. Then I saw her. She was with Ninja. If Scott knew I was any where near him, he would kill us all. Mel had an arm full of books. Ninja gave me a very big hug, lifting me off my feet as he did. Mel told me they needed money and she wanted to sell all her books. I was surprised because she loved those books. But I didn't ask why. After she got her money, she asked Ninja how they were going to make more. He asked me if my mom might give us pizza money. We all piled into my car and I drove to my house. My mom was so happy to see me out with friends, she gave me $20. She told us to have fun.

On the way back, Ninja gave me new directions. We drove into an unrecognizable residential street. "Right here." Ninja told me and pointed to a small house. Junk littered the entire yard. A makeshift porch was built onto the front door made of plastic and tarp. It was dark by now so Ninja grabbed Mel and Mel grabbed my hand and we maneuvered our way to the front door. He knocked and we heard shuffling inside. "Who is it?" asked a gruff voice. After Ninja identified himself, the door opened. I walked into the filthiest kitchen I had ever seen. A short man with a few missing fingers stood inside and ushered us into the very dimly lit living room. The three of us sat down on the old couch and a very fat dachshund jumped into my lap. There was an older blond-haired man sitting in a wheelchair in the corner of the room carving a wooden box. "T this is my friend Lani. You know Mel." T politely said hello to me. Donny, the man who opened the door introduced himself to me as well. I said hello to them both very quietly. I had no idea what was going on but I had a feeling it was something bad. "How much you got?" T asked Ninja. "$30." Ninja replied. T picked up the phone and made a call. Mel and I began to make conversation while I pet the dog.

An hour in, the doorbell rang. Donny got up and let a large Mexican man in. He came in and sat next to Ninja. Mel and I were absorbed in our conversation when Ninja asked for my $20. I handed it to him and he handed it to the man. Then Ninja produced a weird glass pipe from his jacket pocket and poured something into it. Then it hit me. That was meth and I was about to do it. My heart lept as I debated with myself over whether or not I should be here. Despite all the weed and bad things I had done throughout my high school years, I knew that meth was the real thing. It was a very big deal. Then I realized that this was the first time in almost a year that I had been out with friends. I was so desperate to have a friend and I was so thankful to Mel and Ninja for not writing me off as soon as I stopped talking to them. I was thankful that they knew the truth about Scott, that it was him and not me who cut them out of my life. I was thankful that they thought I was worthy enough to save from my prison. I knew what I had to do. I watched as Ninja held a flame under the round part of the pipe. I watched as he slowly inhaled. I watched him exhale. Maybe this wouldn't be too hard. He passed the pipe to Mel. My thoughts blurred together. My heart pumped. Then she handed the pipe to me. "Let Ninja pull your hit! He does it so good!" she told me. I was more than happy to let him. He knelt down in front of me. "Wet your lips," he said, "Now when I say go, inhale slowly but keep going until your lungs are full. Then breathe out." I did what he said. I wet my lips and put them to the pipe. He flicked on the lighter and held the dancing flame under the bulb. I watched ghostly vapor rise and swirl. It was hypnotizing. "Go." Ninja said quietly. I slowly began to inhale. It didn't burn like weed. It was not heavy like cigarette smoke. It was a light airy vapor. I inhaled until my lungs hurt. Then I pulled away and rested my head against the couch. I looked up at the ceiling and slowly blew out. The white mist clouded my vision. Instantly the fear I'd had of Scott finding out melted away. It felt like when I was a kid laying in bed thinking about the next day being my birthday. I would suddenly feel this burst of energy. That's what I felt then. It one second, I went from an emotionally abused, weak and scared little girl to happy and confident. I had never felt this before. Mel clapped and Ninja hugged me. Then he passed the pipe to Donny. I got two more hits before we were completely out. We spent the next few hours sitting in the kitchen. This well of conversation had erupted in me. I told Mel and Ninja every detail of mine and Scott's relationship. They were shocked at the things he did to me. They understood me. They sympathised. Ninja told me that he would never let Scott hurt me and they would be sure to give me the life I had lost. I loved them.

We finally decided to go back to the book store to pick up Mel's car. Ninja stayed at T.'s house. On the way, I called my mom and asked if I could spend the night with Mel. She was ecstatic that I had a friend. She said yes. After we picked up Mel's car we went back. We sat in the living room again and for the first time in my life, I had the confidence to talk to strangers. I held a conversation with T. It turned out that when he was a child, he had polio, that's why he was in a wheelchair. In the hallway, we heard a noise. A very old lady came out holding a shot gun. "Granny, they are friends!" T. yelled. She disappeared. Then an old man wearing overalls came out. This was Grampa. He sat by me and told us the story of how when he was younger, he was jumped my a gang and stabbed in the heart. These were puzzling people, but I had never been happier.

By morning, Ninja said we should go. We got up and walked out in the daylight. We felt like vampires. The sun killed. Of course we were crashing hard. I felt like shit. I said goodbye to them and crawled into my car and went home. When I got home, I couldn't tell if I was hungry or not. I knew I needed food and felt that it would easy the crash so I drug a bag of potato chips to my room and curled up in bed. No one told me that the first time you do meth, everything tastes like meth.