Sunsetter, Nymphetamine

Vita

Summer was over. I walked into our high school as a junior. The first day, some kid came up to me and introduced himself to me. Adrian was a friend of Scott’s and heard about our break up. He wanted to see if I was ok. 

Ok?

He was funny. I liked him immediately. Not like that. I’m sorry, Adrian. I really am. 

We spent several days together hanging out. He was a special kind of weird. I felt like I could be silly with him. I felt a new kind of life. Just a good friendship. One day, I told him the story of my life. He laughed at how hung up I had been over Adam. Because Adam was his cousin. Great. Just fucking great. 

I didn’t like to hear Adam’s name. It reminded me of my first death. The first soul crushing pain that life is known for. 

God, I was dramatic. But feelings are real and such is life. 

Adrian broke up with whoever faceless girl he was dating and asked me out. I was bored. I was lonely. I said yes, but I shouldn’t have. I just didn’t feel that way. And that relationship didn’t last long. Fortunately, our friendship did. Through the years, he became one of my greatest friends. And there was always that hope that by being around him, maybe I’d run into his cousin. 

Adrian left a half smoked cigar in my car once, and I kept it. I practiced smoking it without choking. Smoking. What’s one more way to slowly kill myself. 

Later in the year, my friend Eric invited me to hang out with him after school and watch his friends practice in their band. I knew two of the band members. David, who I’d sort of known for a while, and Tony. Who was a friend. Steven was also in the band. I sorta knew Steven from algebra class. He looked about 35 and spent all class period brooding and coloring his fingernails with sharpie. He was a different kind of scary. I wanted him to like me, for no other reason than to not have him sacrifice me in some sort of Nordic pagan ritual. 

After “practice”, which mostly consisted of them punching their equipment, we all got into David’s car and went to McDonald’s. David was hilarious. I wanted to get on his good side, so I mentioned some of the metal bands I’d seen in his cd case in the car. He was shocked that I “knew metal”. I didn’t. I lied, David. The only bands that I really knew were Cradle of Filth, Dimmu Borgir, and Goat Whore. But it was knowing the ambiguous Goat Whore, that won him over. So maybe I didn’t lie that big. 

David later exclaimed that we all needed to head to Steven’s house. Immediately, Eric and Tony declined. I felt a sense of foreboding. But even though I didn’t know David or Steven too well, I went along.