He was a skater boy

Vita..

Adam had disappeared. I don’t know what happened to him. Was he kicked out? Or dropped out? Another guy caught my eye. 

Scott seemed like a goofy, friendly guy. He was friends with everyone, and slowly I became friends with him, too. 

He was one of the best skateboarders at school and impressed the girls with his tricks. I’d broken up with Josh and was dating James, a guy from another high school. I never thought I would be good enough for Scott. All the girls in our group wanted to be with him. I was still in a long process of self loathing, and had very little confidence or self esteem. 

I stopped eating. Food scared me. Fat scared me. I became afraid of triple digits. I weighed myself daily. If I could stay under 100 lbs, I would be ok. If I could shrink into nonexistence, that would be even better. I no longer had the energy or ambition for suicide. But I found that razors worked better than safety pins. And in a pinch, break some glass. The fresh red crisscross slices in my arms tingled like Vick’s Vaporub. It was soothing. 

Day in and day out, I seemed to float to each class. I didn’t know if I was walking. Were my antidepressants working? How was I supposed to feel? Nothing? Because I felt nothing. 

Goth fashion was becoming popular in my group of friends. We experimented with smearing black makeup across our eyes and I took up Wicca with my friend Melissa. My sophomore year consisted of inhaling too much incense during my witchcraft, hating myself, hanging out with James and trying to smile, and trying weed for the first time. 

And then one day, James dropped a bomb. He cheated on me and would rather be with her. What? All this time I pretended to care about him, but I had never felt betrayal before. My self loathing grew. I couldn’t even keep a semi homeschooled weirdo as a boyfriend. 

A few days later, Scott heard me telling Romnie about the break up. His indignation flattered me. He insisted that he confront James for me. My hero.